What Should I Do?

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I realized that I’m very different than them.
somehow, to this day I can be a part of their.

many times I’ve tried to stay away from them, trying to get back into my old self, but, I could never do that.

I realized, with them will only make me more fond of them, until myself struggled to escape from their lives.

I will not deny how much happiness they give me, any kind of attention that makes me feel mean to them.

However, I realized one thing. I’m different. They can do many things, have what they want to have.

As for me?

Only can see. I envy. Of course.
And because of this feeling is what makes me feel guilty if I should continue with them.

And again, how much of my effort to be like them, at least I can get what I want, it is impossible that it happened to me.

I was guilty.

I too was expecting something I could never get. Together they made me aware of it. I just give a load for them. Never once did show that I can be relied upon. Only trouble them, continue to annoy them.

Maybe just me who think they are my best friend.
I don’t disputed. At least one of them also thinks so.

Sorry if I was stupid to think like this. But, here’s what I feel now.

I’m not fine now.

I keep thinking about this. How can I be able to express them.
Honestly, everything feels heavy. And I, really do not want anyone to be disappointed over what was my feeling.

Maybe, I just wanted a certainty. I’m tired of hoping. Continue to strive to be seen that I’m happy with all of this.

Please tell me, what should I do T.T

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